Watch the Flowers

No that is not a Walking Dead reference. Its a reference to my backyard because there are nice flowers there. Ah springtime.. 

Anyhow been riding the inspirational wave these past couple of days and I'm hoping to keep it going. Wrote a few more words/bars/rhymes/poetry/whateverthisis today and figured I'd share. Preferably done over this J Dilla instrumental because the man is a genius. 

J Dilla - In The Night/While You Slept (I Crept)

Resting in the armchair, I dance to my own requiem/

Destroy all that's beautiful so that I can be the next of kin/

We've all been through everything, no-ones got no more sympathy/

Conduct collaborations but we all beat to our own symphony/

Open up your ears man its right there in front of you/

You listen with your eyes and that is why its troublesome/

A rose of any colour only blossoms one time/

Focus on the flower, but feel like the thorns in the side/

Blinded to the bigger picture, we walk around dreaming/

Hearing all the headlines but are deaf to all the screaming/

Grab your nearest weapon, then grasp the hate around you/

Make it retaliate because you gave that fuck a pounding/

We ain't got it figured out, we all like to give advice/

Its sure a nice image when we think our life is right/

Oh you got it figured out? That's a never ending quest/

I'll just say peace to my buddies because of them I'm blessed/

YES!

Peace to all my buddies! :)

Lets Break Barriers, But Don't Take Offense

Why are people selectively offended? 

Let me clarify. 

I seem to notice that people take offense much easier to certain things, subjects and/or people than with others. Take music for example. Now, I listen to a lot of hip-hop music and I love the stuff. But fairly enough, the subjects which are addressed may not always be PG-13, but that's why I fucking love it so much as well. (Whoops didn't mean to offend you). One thing I always hear is that all rap music is about is drugs, money and shit talking women. Sure some of it may be, but I suppose that is the diversity of the music. You get some positives with the negatives. Let me get back to the point - so if hip-hop music is indeed offensive to you for the reason that its about the aforementioned subjects, then why does a lot of mainstream music not affect you in the same way? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I often find that the top 40 songs can be just as "offensive" as some hip-hop music. However it feels that people just tend to be more easily offended by the rap artists. Why is that? Is it a class thing? Is it subconscious racism - let me explain. Hip-hop has for a long time been a predominantly black culture. That is not to say that I believe it should be exclusive only to a certain race. I do question though whether that is sometimes a part of it that people will never admit to? Say if a group like Cypress Hill creates a song about smoking weed (yes they have a fair amount), why would that be any more offensive than The Beatles singing one of their drug ballads? Is it because the Beatles never said, "fuck" on any of their records? Is it because the Beatles played the guitar, the drums and sang their songs? Is it because Cypress Hill dresses in baggy clothing? Is it because Cypress Hill uses slang in their rhymes? Is it because Cypress Hill says "fuck", "shit", and "nigga"? Really though, if that is the case then why do these same people watch movies about all the same things? Somehow the word "fuck" becomes less offensive when Johnny Depp uses it? 

One thing I've noticed, is people seem to find comfort in being offended. Its as if it gives them some moral high-ground. The idea of not associating one's self with such low cultures as hip-hop culture is somehow rewarding. Sure you don't have to enjoy the hip-hop culture, or listen to rap music, however being ignorant to it is another thing. 

I have used hip-hop music as an example because I feel its something I am comfortable speaking about and know enough about to validate my arguments. Although really it can be applied to anything. Take for example the way an individual dresses and the way people respond to that accordingly. I have noticed that when I dress "nicely" in a collared shirt, more tight fighting (not talking skinny here) jeans, dress shoes and no hat of any sort people are much more friendly to me. I like to say hello to people when I pass them in the street or trail, especially when its not a busy pathway. However I've noticed that when I am dressed up in a baggy hoodie, my jeans are rolled up, I'm wearing big boots, sunglasses, and have my snapback tilted to the back people almost avoid me at all costs - perhaps for their own safety? (hahahaha). Yet when suited up in attire #1 people often will approach me and say hello. Again, why is that? Does my outfit offend you? Does it make you feel uneasy? When making a judgement about something - to the point we are offended by it before even giving it a chance. This is a barrier I think we as a society need to break down.

“It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what." - Stephen Fry

All Due Respect, But Do They Really?

So I've been playing the Run the Jewels and RTJ2 albums by.. Run the Jewels a whole lot lately. And I can easily say I'm very impressed by El-P and Killer Mike. I didn't like the albums at first but [Owen Wilson voice] WOOOOOW! 

It definitely sparked some creativity (if you can call it that?) and I wrote this piece to this instrumental. It may be a little "edgy" for some, especially if you know me as that friendly white kid who doesn't say bad things ever. I usually don't agree with written words without hearing them be performed, because performance is over half of it in my opinion. But here you are anyways:

All Due Respect (Instrumental) - Run the Jewels

Ain't no mystery, mister please/

Run through your click like a dick disease/

Ol rickety Mr. Freeze/

Shoots your chick yelling Mr. Freeze/

Double words, Imma use two times/

Then plow through grime like a porcupine/

Take my time, with these lines/

Then snort em through my brain and into mind/

Check out my life see what I've made/

I play with pins like a hand grenade/

Voodoo doll, he needs first aid/

Give em a syringe he can't evade/

In the dark, Stanley Park/

Stanley Cup's hard like the snark/

Biggest bite, yet bigger bark/

I fuck shit up like Christy Clark/

That ain't right, that ain't nice/

Some misinterpret my whole life/

That's alright I'll incite/

A riot for the times 'cause it just might/

Fuel the rage, fuck I'm out the cage/

S-O-S bitch I'm out the way/

Not surprised he is amazed/

Told me to be blunt so now I'm blazed/

On the run, grab the gun/

Bust some shots its just begun/

Jimmy's song, yeah thats the one/

I snatch your wife but she weighs a ton/

Getting dumb, on this track/

Frankenstein's chillin' in the back/

Grabbed the sack and smacked the mack/

Wouldn't chill with Phil 'cause he's a quack/

A stupid kid, doing ruthless shit/

I'm 21 and you's a bitch/ 

Take the hint, I won't be skipped/

Do whatever my mind permits/

Its getting there and its unstable/

Changing places I turned the table/

The vinyl's mine its not a fable/

Drapes match the rug like Anne of Green Gables/

I don't run around I run the jewels/

Cuban Linx chillin' in the pool/

Fools do drool, I'm too bejeweled/

Straddles two conts like I'm Instanbul/

Sorry?

Pilot

"Hi there", followed by an awkward hybrid handshake/fistpump//pound/highfive. "What's your name?", before they can even begin, "My name is Doryan." 

"Nice to meet you Jordan, my name is [insert name I will likely forget soon]". 

"No its Doryan, kind of like Dorian Grey." 

"Who?"

"Yeah I think so.." wait what did they say?

Ugh..

Is it safe to assume that most of us have gone through a similar scenario when it comes to introductions? Unless of course you are some super-social role model superhero who gets all the ladies/men/both - hold on there, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Something that has been popping up a lot recently for me has been the topic of anxiety, specifically social anxiety. And that is something I want to get into (wait that didn't sound right..) What exactly is social anxiety and where does it stem from?

Lets first get the definitions of these two established. According to the google definition (who uses dictionaries anymore anyways?), anxiety is defined as follows: 1) a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. 2) desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease. 3) a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks. The definition of social is: 1) relating to or designed for activities in which people meet each other for pleasure. 2) an informal social gathering, especially one organized by the members of a particular club or group.

Now that we are all enlightened with these definitions, let us (me) continue. It seems to me that more and more people claim to be or are anxious, but is this a term to be so loosely thrown around? Sure we've probably all experienced some sort of social anxiety, but at what point should it still be labeled that? Is labeling things really the right approach when assessing certain situations? I am purely speaking from personal experience here, but I have noticed that a lot of how I live and react to certain things stems from the placebo effect, as much as I hate to admit that. The placebo effect ultimately means that I form my thoughts around things I hear, to the point that it almost seems like my mind is determining how I live. Let me use an example to clarify: all my life I hear from several outer sources that the music I listen to is bad for me, I start to believe that it is to the point where evidence would almost suggest that it is. In reality it isn't the music which is negatively influencing me, its the people and campaigns that are. I feel as though this is often a similar situation when it comes to social anxiety. As I mentioned before, we probably have all experienced a little bit at varying degrees but I believe that it is all dependent on how one handles the idea of social anxiety. If somebody were to constantly hear about such things and then start to experience them, wouldn't that sort carve his/her mindset into believing that she/he may indeed be socially anxious? I am no doctor, and have no medical background, however I do believe that everybody's mind works slightly differently, so to come up with symptoms to define such a "disability" is a little bit insensitive. At what point is it too much? 

Not to sound like a hipster or anything, but I think that a lot of the problem has to do with the media. And to some degree social media. Standards and expectations are only created in the mind, and I think that the higher that these are built the higher the chance of social anxiety disorder becomes. What goes up must come down right? Lets use media as an example here - more specifically television. One of my biggest problems with television is that everything that is done on screen is often clearly filmed in several takes, and edited to look a very specific way. You see Cary Grant smooth talking Audrey Hepburn and 95% (not pulling that number out of the air or anything..) of the time it all works out in the end. There's stories about these characters who never have issues knowing exactly what to say. Guess what? There's such a thing as another take. Should we not be allowed another in life? Some people grow so concerned about saying the wrong thing that nothing is said at all. I've been there.

Something I feel needs to be tossed out of the window are those godawful lists like, "26 things every twenty year old needs to do", or "11 places you need to visit before you're forty", or "things only introverts and/or extroverts can relate to", or "things all men/women need to know".. I digress. I don't know this for a fact, but I assume that for somebody who is already struggling with social interaction, these sorts of lists really aren't doing any good. "Oh no, I haven't been blackout drunk before, I must be living my life the wrong way." Checking off everything on these horrible lists is like a dog chasing its own tail. It may take a long time, perhaps his/her whole life to reach it, and when the dog finally has, then what? Maybe some temporary feeling of achievement, but it'll get boring fast I'm sure. Ugh, now I feel like I'm being hypocritical because I'm almost lecturing others on how to and how not to live their lives. If these lists resonate with you, then by all means, keep reading them and checking off those bucket lists. However don't be discouraged because you're already in your mid twenties and haven't been in a threesome. That being said, I have made my own lists in the past that I tried to check off whilst traveling: Road-Trip Bucketlist & Euro-Trip Bucketlist. That was for my own enjoyment/challenge and in no way should resonate with anybody else or become a competition.

Something I have noticed myself is that a lot of the subject at hand has to do with how I perceive interaction. I at one point thought I was maybe socially awkward. Now I think that's ridiculous. Traveling may have aided me to overcome such concerns and for that I am thankful. But even since I have returned, there have been situations where I simply don't know what to say and feel myself falling back into that trap of "social anxiety". Fuck that! Excuse my language. Actually you know what, don't excuse my language because there I go again being concerned about what others think about what I have to say. Sure you can put in a lot of effort trying to make yourself respected or make yourself look respectful, but at what cost? At the expense of filtering anything that may be controversial? I hardly get into trouble because of things I say, sounds great right? But is it? There is definitely something liberating about putting in your two cents. That, however, is not to say go out and offend as many people as possible just to seem outspoken. Society seems to want to try and mould everybody into a certain type of person. An outgoing type of person. An extrovert. An adventurer. A, "look guys, I'm doing stuff" type of person. Why? Is it wrong to not all have to be that "individual"? I'm all about getting out of your comfort zone and trying new things for it has created amazing experiences for myself. However I also don't believe in the fact that if you don't you are somehow less interesting. This is the type of garbage that creates anxiety in the first place. I can't believe how many great people I have spoken to who have claimed at one point or another to have struggled with some form of anxiety. I honestly never would have guessed! What does this suggest? Is it wrong of me to say that I think a lot of this stuff is just built up in the mind? That is not to say that I don't see it as an actual condition, however I do feel that it is thrown around too easily. 

What are my experiences with social anxiety? I have for a long time been quite quiet, and not always sure why. I am also a diabetic and when I have a low blood sugar, social interaction to me becomes a huge challenge, but that is another story on its own. I thought that this somewhat converted to my every day interactions when I wasn't affected by my condition. I questioned how much of it I could blame on other things beyond my control, how much of it was built up in my mind, and how much of it I actually had a "real" problem with. I never have actually told anybody this and maybe putting this online for anybody to see may not be the greatest thing to do. But hey, it honestly does not make a difference to me who knows and who doesn't. Because in the first place, wouldn't not saying something just add to the problem? I also don't think that I am socially anxious, I think that's kind of a ludicrous label to place onto myself. 

In conclusion, I feel that social interactions don't need to be taken so seriously. Don't live your life based on other people's suggestions - instead learn from them. Assess your own life and situation. Don't let a movie about somebody with everything figured out be discouraging. Make your own decisions - and from that idea, don't even listen to anything I've said or say. After all, what do I know?

Sorry if I sound very uninformed, as I said, this is just a piece of my mind, I would love to have somebody explain things to me, or to have somebody say something about anything really. After all, this may just be a jumble of scattered thoughts strewn on paper (monitor).