Pilot

"Hi there", followed by an awkward hybrid handshake/fistpump//pound/highfive. "What's your name?", before they can even begin, "My name is Doryan." 

"Nice to meet you Jordan, my name is [insert name I will likely forget soon]". 

"No its Doryan, kind of like Dorian Grey." 

"Who?"

"Yeah I think so.." wait what did they say?

Ugh..

Is it safe to assume that most of us have gone through a similar scenario when it comes to introductions? Unless of course you are some super-social role model superhero who gets all the ladies/men/both - hold on there, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Something that has been popping up a lot recently for me has been the topic of anxiety, specifically social anxiety. And that is something I want to get into (wait that didn't sound right..) What exactly is social anxiety and where does it stem from?

Lets first get the definitions of these two established. According to the google definition (who uses dictionaries anymore anyways?), anxiety is defined as follows: 1) a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. 2) desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease. 3) a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks. The definition of social is: 1) relating to or designed for activities in which people meet each other for pleasure. 2) an informal social gathering, especially one organized by the members of a particular club or group.

Now that we are all enlightened with these definitions, let us (me) continue. It seems to me that more and more people claim to be or are anxious, but is this a term to be so loosely thrown around? Sure we've probably all experienced some sort of social anxiety, but at what point should it still be labeled that? Is labeling things really the right approach when assessing certain situations? I am purely speaking from personal experience here, but I have noticed that a lot of how I live and react to certain things stems from the placebo effect, as much as I hate to admit that. The placebo effect ultimately means that I form my thoughts around things I hear, to the point that it almost seems like my mind is determining how I live. Let me use an example to clarify: all my life I hear from several outer sources that the music I listen to is bad for me, I start to believe that it is to the point where evidence would almost suggest that it is. In reality it isn't the music which is negatively influencing me, its the people and campaigns that are. I feel as though this is often a similar situation when it comes to social anxiety. As I mentioned before, we probably have all experienced a little bit at varying degrees but I believe that it is all dependent on how one handles the idea of social anxiety. If somebody were to constantly hear about such things and then start to experience them, wouldn't that sort carve his/her mindset into believing that she/he may indeed be socially anxious? I am no doctor, and have no medical background, however I do believe that everybody's mind works slightly differently, so to come up with symptoms to define such a "disability" is a little bit insensitive. At what point is it too much? 

Not to sound like a hipster or anything, but I think that a lot of the problem has to do with the media. And to some degree social media. Standards and expectations are only created in the mind, and I think that the higher that these are built the higher the chance of social anxiety disorder becomes. What goes up must come down right? Lets use media as an example here - more specifically television. One of my biggest problems with television is that everything that is done on screen is often clearly filmed in several takes, and edited to look a very specific way. You see Cary Grant smooth talking Audrey Hepburn and 95% (not pulling that number out of the air or anything..) of the time it all works out in the end. There's stories about these characters who never have issues knowing exactly what to say. Guess what? There's such a thing as another take. Should we not be allowed another in life? Some people grow so concerned about saying the wrong thing that nothing is said at all. I've been there.

Something I feel needs to be tossed out of the window are those godawful lists like, "26 things every twenty year old needs to do", or "11 places you need to visit before you're forty", or "things only introverts and/or extroverts can relate to", or "things all men/women need to know".. I digress. I don't know this for a fact, but I assume that for somebody who is already struggling with social interaction, these sorts of lists really aren't doing any good. "Oh no, I haven't been blackout drunk before, I must be living my life the wrong way." Checking off everything on these horrible lists is like a dog chasing its own tail. It may take a long time, perhaps his/her whole life to reach it, and when the dog finally has, then what? Maybe some temporary feeling of achievement, but it'll get boring fast I'm sure. Ugh, now I feel like I'm being hypocritical because I'm almost lecturing others on how to and how not to live their lives. If these lists resonate with you, then by all means, keep reading them and checking off those bucket lists. However don't be discouraged because you're already in your mid twenties and haven't been in a threesome. That being said, I have made my own lists in the past that I tried to check off whilst traveling: Road-Trip Bucketlist & Euro-Trip Bucketlist. That was for my own enjoyment/challenge and in no way should resonate with anybody else or become a competition.

Something I have noticed myself is that a lot of the subject at hand has to do with how I perceive interaction. I at one point thought I was maybe socially awkward. Now I think that's ridiculous. Traveling may have aided me to overcome such concerns and for that I am thankful. But even since I have returned, there have been situations where I simply don't know what to say and feel myself falling back into that trap of "social anxiety". Fuck that! Excuse my language. Actually you know what, don't excuse my language because there I go again being concerned about what others think about what I have to say. Sure you can put in a lot of effort trying to make yourself respected or make yourself look respectful, but at what cost? At the expense of filtering anything that may be controversial? I hardly get into trouble because of things I say, sounds great right? But is it? There is definitely something liberating about putting in your two cents. That, however, is not to say go out and offend as many people as possible just to seem outspoken. Society seems to want to try and mould everybody into a certain type of person. An outgoing type of person. An extrovert. An adventurer. A, "look guys, I'm doing stuff" type of person. Why? Is it wrong to not all have to be that "individual"? I'm all about getting out of your comfort zone and trying new things for it has created amazing experiences for myself. However I also don't believe in the fact that if you don't you are somehow less interesting. This is the type of garbage that creates anxiety in the first place. I can't believe how many great people I have spoken to who have claimed at one point or another to have struggled with some form of anxiety. I honestly never would have guessed! What does this suggest? Is it wrong of me to say that I think a lot of this stuff is just built up in the mind? That is not to say that I don't see it as an actual condition, however I do feel that it is thrown around too easily. 

What are my experiences with social anxiety? I have for a long time been quite quiet, and not always sure why. I am also a diabetic and when I have a low blood sugar, social interaction to me becomes a huge challenge, but that is another story on its own. I thought that this somewhat converted to my every day interactions when I wasn't affected by my condition. I questioned how much of it I could blame on other things beyond my control, how much of it was built up in my mind, and how much of it I actually had a "real" problem with. I never have actually told anybody this and maybe putting this online for anybody to see may not be the greatest thing to do. But hey, it honestly does not make a difference to me who knows and who doesn't. Because in the first place, wouldn't not saying something just add to the problem? I also don't think that I am socially anxious, I think that's kind of a ludicrous label to place onto myself. 

In conclusion, I feel that social interactions don't need to be taken so seriously. Don't live your life based on other people's suggestions - instead learn from them. Assess your own life and situation. Don't let a movie about somebody with everything figured out be discouraging. Make your own decisions - and from that idea, don't even listen to anything I've said or say. After all, what do I know?

Sorry if I sound very uninformed, as I said, this is just a piece of my mind, I would love to have somebody explain things to me, or to have somebody say something about anything really. After all, this may just be a jumble of scattered thoughts strewn on paper (monitor).